Here is the Deal. I moved to a small town in New England ( Dingley Dell ) a couple of years ago with my wife after bouncing around for a few years. I work for a small Steel Fabricator Shop with a bizarre bunch of guys that make me laugh every day, and I also have a mother-In-Law that is borderline certifiable. There is never a shortage of laughs in my life and I cannot help but think that everybody else is going to get a kick out of it as well.
I am no English major so my grammar leaves a bit to be desired, but with the help of spell check I think things will be just fine.
My wife and I are originally from the area, about 30 miles West of where we live now. So, things should not feel so different from what we grew up with – but sometimes I feel like we are on a different planet. I never would have imagined that people up North could be so simple-minded, but I was wrong!
Here is a quick run-down on the people in my life that I am going to tell you about.
First and foremost there is my Mother-In-Law who we will call Gail from this point forward. She is a wonderfully caring woman who would give you the shirt off of her back – unfortunately if you asked her to do so in public, she just might do it! I have learned a lot from Gail over the years about life in general, and the way I look at it is this – Just do the exact opposite of what she does and says and you are golden. Really, I am not exaggerating when I say she always does and says the dumbest and most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times. It took me quite a few years to see the humor in it all; in the beginning I would just shake my head in disbelief. I still do that, but inside I am laughing my ass off. And sometimes I even let it slip out.
Next we have my beautiful wife Peyton who is the only other sane person other than myself that I will be talking about regularly. Now I know what you are probably thinking, yes I guess I am bias towards my wife, and myself but I assure you – we are the sane ones in all of this.
Now we move on to my office and all the people I work with. Let’s start out this list with Ivan who is actually Ukrainian but everybody calls him a Russian because it makes him mad. Ivan is a self-centered jerk that thinks he knows everything and that everybody should do things the way he says to – on his drawings (he is a detailer). The only thing you really need to know about Ivan is that he is completely incompetent and is wrong 99% of the time. He also tries to be a prankster with Dave but the end result is always an EPIC FAIL.
That brings me to Dave who is our resident prankster. You really only need to know 3 things about Dave. He is a huge hockey fan (he plays 3 times a week in an over 30 league – as their Goalie); He is the undisputed king of pranks; and he is all about eating – especially seafood and prime rib. Dave is our Project Manager.
Next we turn our attention to Jerry who is our resident pervert. Jerry is the shop foreman and is all about young girls (preferably naked) and muscle cars. Jerry likes to go to car shows and cruise nights with his buddies and try to pick up barely legal girls. Yes, there is one in every crowd and Jerry is ours.
Then we come to one of the owners of the company, that we will call Dingley Steel, and we will call him Alex. Now Alex is not the easiest guy in the world to work for but he is one hell of a guy if you can get him away from work. Alex is also a huge hunting fanatic, but he doesn’t hunt your normal game. Alex likes to hunt problematic animals line Wood Chucks, Crows, and Coyotes. He always has a rifle kicking around the office and runs the place like a dictator. He also likes to talk down to everybody and insult them – he thinks this makes people more productive. Alex also does some Project Management.
His partner is the man who sits up in the big chair writing the checks, we will call him O’Brien. We don’t see O’Brien that much but if you use your pencils or highlighters too quickly and he needs to buy more you will hear from him! O’Brien likes to run this place on a paper-thin budget so he has more gas money for his yacht he keeps anchored in Rhode Island. Yeah, he is a cheap bastard.
And finally we come to Jimmer. I saved the best for last. Jimmer is just pure Comedy Gold! I promise you that you will never find a more simple-minded fool in all of New England. This guy just makes you laugh all day, and he don’t even realize it. In fact most times he thinks we are all laughing with him about something. The truth is we all laugh at him. He is a good guy, he means well, but he is just plain old dumb. Jimmer is the 3rd detailer at Dingley Steel, and as dumb as he is – he is still light years ahead of Ivan. And that is the sad truth.
I am a Structural Steel Detailer by trade and I am currently working on my BA in Engineering so I am not an idiot, but some days I feel a little dumber just being around these people. They are an eccentric bunch and I hope you all like my stories as much as I have enjoyed living them. Enjoy !
Steel Detailer = http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steel_detailer
Project Manager = http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_manager